Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Law
I'm going to school for paralegal work and I have to admit... the more I learn about the laws and statutes of the United States the less I want to know. I forget that sometimes it is easier to be in the dark.
Monday, July 16, 2012
The Details
It's the details of a wedding one usually forgets so here are some of my favorite details from F and C's wedding 6/30/2012.
Today's reflections
Why is it that when we should be the most content we are the most impatient for the next part.
My husband got the job. We have the house that works for us best. We have our puppy. Now what?
Exactly now what. Shouldn't I be content? This is part of my living in the present and not in the past or the future that has me questioning this. Usually I am all for the next part, but not today.
Today I want the next part to stay in the future. It will come in due time. I want to enjoy this part of life. The new job and our small condo and our puppy. As we get older we will add on to our lives. The babies will come, the house will get bigger, and our puppy will get older.
Do I really want to rush that? Yes and no. Today mostly no. Tomorrow maybe a different question.
So for today. I am happy. I am happy with just today.
My husband got the job. We have the house that works for us best. We have our puppy. Now what?
Exactly now what. Shouldn't I be content? This is part of my living in the present and not in the past or the future that has me questioning this. Usually I am all for the next part, but not today.
Today I want the next part to stay in the future. It will come in due time. I want to enjoy this part of life. The new job and our small condo and our puppy. As we get older we will add on to our lives. The babies will come, the house will get bigger, and our puppy will get older.
Do I really want to rush that? Yes and no. Today mostly no. Tomorrow maybe a different question.
So for today. I am happy. I am happy with just today.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Two Year Anniversary
Most often I read letters and posts to significant others claiming that the last however long have been the best in their life and that they are married to their best friend. I don't know the personal lives of those faces behind the words but I do know that sometimes we lie so people don't know how hard marriage is sometimes. Tomorrow marks two years for my husband and I. The last two years have not been easy nor have my husband and I been best friends. I wish I could say it was all sunshine and butterflies but in reality we have had more bad days than good days (at least it seemed like it). I watched our wedding video and remember that my entire walk down the aisle I never looked away from the handsome man waiting for me at the end. All I could think was just a few more steps than I can take his hand, your almost there, don't throw up, just breathe. There was a lot of love that day and happiness beyond words. However, the story after that day has not been a fairy tale. It isn't even the fault of my husband. Mostly the bad dies are on me. I am selfish, prideful and stubborn beyond words. I have really high expectations and an idea of how things are supposed to go. When things don't go my way, it is really disappointing. I realize it is immature and childish to have these feelings whether they are spoken or not. The fact that my husband has stuck by me through all my irrational thoughts, fears, and other quirks says a lot about the type of man he is. He is loyal and loves me through it all. That is really all I can ask for. Joe knew what he was getting into and still asked me to marry him. He still stood at the end of the aisle and he still said I do. He tells me he loves me everyday and he has never asked me to change. I know that I am introducing myself as a horrible person, I'm not a horrible person but I have given my husband two years of greif and not enough love. For that Joe, I am sorry. I can't promise that I won't have selfish moments in the future but I can promise to love you with a deeper love from this day forward. I had an idea of love and it was mostly the feeling of love before we got married. Through these last two years you have showed me the real meaning of love. The other side of love. Not just a love that man is supposed to show a woman, but the love that God shows us. You are exactly the person God has chosen for me and I am so very thankful for that.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Moments that take out breath away...
I was reading an article about a gentleman who was frustrated with life and forgetting why he does what he does. While watching a child get really excited and catch their breathe over something very small he realized there are not a lot of child like moments he has that take his breath away. He said something that really made me think. He lives day by day but never lives in the moment. He stopped experiencing and was just doing.
How often do I live my life with child like moments?
Last Christmas I was questioning my excitement toward my favorite holiday. Why don't I get child-like excitement on Christmas Eve knowing that it's just one more sleep till Christmas?
Why does getting ready for vacations make me more anxious than excited? Why don't I love this life I'm living? I want to experience life and not just walking through it like a zombie. My life is passing by and I'm missing all the moments that will take my breathe away.
Today was a good day. I came home from work to our adorable two year old niece and our dog Hendrix. When I walked in the door I was greeted by the most innocent eyes from both toddler and puppy. I decided to experience the afternoon instead of just doing my responsibilities. I let Hendrix give me welcome home puppy kisses and I decided to color with Lyla on the kitchen floor instead of going straight to getting household responsibilities done. I listened as this little two year old was telling me what "aqui" means in spanish, that is what she learned on Dora. WOW! She truly amazed me today. Normally I would have totally missed that.
Days like today are going to be my new normal days!
How often do I live my life with child like moments?
Last Christmas I was questioning my excitement toward my favorite holiday. Why don't I get child-like excitement on Christmas Eve knowing that it's just one more sleep till Christmas?
Why does getting ready for vacations make me more anxious than excited? Why don't I love this life I'm living? I want to experience life and not just walking through it like a zombie. My life is passing by and I'm missing all the moments that will take my breathe away.
Today was a good day. I came home from work to our adorable two year old niece and our dog Hendrix. When I walked in the door I was greeted by the most innocent eyes from both toddler and puppy. I decided to experience the afternoon instead of just doing my responsibilities. I let Hendrix give me welcome home puppy kisses and I decided to color with Lyla on the kitchen floor instead of going straight to getting household responsibilities done. I listened as this little two year old was telling me what "aqui" means in spanish, that is what she learned on Dora. WOW! She truly amazed me today. Normally I would have totally missed that.
Days like today are going to be my new normal days!
Friday, June 29, 2012
Those Songs...
Do you ever hear a song from past chapters in your life that bring you back to that time?
I was recently on a road trip and I traveled down memory lane via high school playlists. It was a great time in my life and I enjoyed all the wonderful memories I share with some of the greatest people I know.
I turned my attention to my present (I try and live in the present more and more these days) I hear a song that is on when I walk in the door for coffee with my best friend or sing as loud as I can in the car with my husband and brother in law... I know these moments will someday be memories and I like to think that I will remember how I feel at this exact moment with these wonderful people.
I was recently on a road trip and I traveled down memory lane via high school playlists. It was a great time in my life and I enjoyed all the wonderful memories I share with some of the greatest people I know.
I turned my attention to my present (I try and live in the present more and more these days) I hear a song that is on when I walk in the door for coffee with my best friend or sing as loud as I can in the car with my husband and brother in law... I know these moments will someday be memories and I like to think that I will remember how I feel at this exact moment with these wonderful people.
New Job
My husband just got a new job that will change our lives in a big way. This new job will have him working swing shifts but he will have the opportunity to go back to school for either a second bachelors in Engineering or a Masters degree. We still aren't sure what avenue he will take. It is going to be a big decision because it will effect what career he chooses. Whether he stays where he is at and continues to advance in that career or change it up a bit and become an engineer. He currently is working as a CNC machinist and is very good at what he does. Either choice he makes I know he will make the best of it.
As for me... Well I'm going to school for paralegal work and I have a little less than a year left. I picked this avenue because it interests me and I know that I have a lot of opportunity and flexibility in this field. However, my dream job is to be a mom. That is where my heart is. I want to be able to provide for my family if I need to work but I know that when the time comes, (which is very soon) Joe and I decide to become parents, I don't want to work unless I absolutely have to. With my husbands new job I will have the option to work or stay home with our future babies. We will have the flexibility and I thank God for that. If you had asked me a month or a year ago if I would be able to stay home with our babies my answer would have been a solid no.
It was an answer to prayer, as my husband and I are going to, very soon be embarking on a new adventure, to have the option to stay home and be financially stable. When I say this job will change our life in a big way the start of our family is mostly what I was referring to. We knew from the beginning that around my 25th birthday we would start a family (if we didn't have any earlier surprises). When talking about growing our family one of the biggest concerns was if we are financially ready for a baby. My mother in law gave us the best advice about that. She said something along the lines of... "When people tell you babies are expensive that is hoopla." Babies do cost money don't get me wrong but you learn to add them into your budget and your priorities change. You find yourself spending more on diapers and formula but less on going out to eat and to the movies. She said babies don't have to cost an arm and a leg, they don't need the latest and greatest because in about a week they will grow out of whatever outfit or pair of shoes you bought them. She should know all about having babies on a budget. She had 6 of them. I was very thankful for the advice knowing that adding a baby to our family doesn't have to break the bank. So the talks and prayers continued and well... the future is out of our hands we will just see what happens in the next year or two.
As for me... Well I'm going to school for paralegal work and I have a little less than a year left. I picked this avenue because it interests me and I know that I have a lot of opportunity and flexibility in this field. However, my dream job is to be a mom. That is where my heart is. I want to be able to provide for my family if I need to work but I know that when the time comes, (which is very soon) Joe and I decide to become parents, I don't want to work unless I absolutely have to. With my husbands new job I will have the option to work or stay home with our future babies. We will have the flexibility and I thank God for that. If you had asked me a month or a year ago if I would be able to stay home with our babies my answer would have been a solid no.
It was an answer to prayer, as my husband and I are going to, very soon be embarking on a new adventure, to have the option to stay home and be financially stable. When I say this job will change our life in a big way the start of our family is mostly what I was referring to. We knew from the beginning that around my 25th birthday we would start a family (if we didn't have any earlier surprises). When talking about growing our family one of the biggest concerns was if we are financially ready for a baby. My mother in law gave us the best advice about that. She said something along the lines of... "When people tell you babies are expensive that is hoopla." Babies do cost money don't get me wrong but you learn to add them into your budget and your priorities change. You find yourself spending more on diapers and formula but less on going out to eat and to the movies. She said babies don't have to cost an arm and a leg, they don't need the latest and greatest because in about a week they will grow out of whatever outfit or pair of shoes you bought them. She should know all about having babies on a budget. She had 6 of them. I was very thankful for the advice knowing that adding a baby to our family doesn't have to break the bank. So the talks and prayers continued and well... the future is out of our hands we will just see what happens in the next year or two.
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